Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
