vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
