we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
