Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Welp...herpes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
