I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
