i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
