apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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