turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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