I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
