I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
