Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
