Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
