i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
