Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
two words...techno handjob
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
