Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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