If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize