Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
