never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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