Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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