but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
