She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The adults are the big ones right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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