Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize