If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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