Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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