he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
