so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i out mim tonsoeep
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
