We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
