I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
