if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
