You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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