How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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