He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
