why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
only if we run a train.
done.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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