just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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