There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
