I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize