Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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