i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think your dad took our porno
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
