Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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