Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
