I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
