i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
