there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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