my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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