This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
