I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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