she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Holy shit dude........stairs
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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