I feel like abortions should bother me more
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
