he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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