I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
