as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Of course I have a pirate flag
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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