based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
