What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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