I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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