White coat. Heels.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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