five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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