im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
