I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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