He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
