ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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