when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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