Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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