At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
