Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
me + whiskey = a bad person
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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