found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
