We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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