problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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