just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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