babies were throwing up all over the place
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
