i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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