i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
