Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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