cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's like heaven, but drunker
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
