So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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