I wish my penis had an off switch
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
